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(NOTE: Something screwy is going on with WordPress. Or I just screwed something up. Apologies if this is a double-post today! Anyway…)

I didn’t know Sera was gay when I started Serenity Rose. I didn’t think about her romantic inclinations at all, really. 

I knew that Kelton had an enormous crush on her, and there’s a whisper of a moment between them on that rooftop in issue two when Sera says “I like your song.” But although Kelton can barely contain his delight there, Sera’s expression is vague. She’s clearly distracted by thoughts of the bus incident. Even a hint of reciprocated feelings felt wrong to me even then.

Poor Kelton.

I still remember the exact second I realized Sera was gay. It was like Colonel Kurtz’ legendary “diamond bullet to the brain” from Apocalypse Now. It happened while I was visiting my folks for Christmas, lying awake one night trying to figure out where Serenity Rose would go past issue two. 

Now, Sera’s big conflict throughout the series is that she’s a person with a ludicrous amount of power and absolutely no idea what to do with it. She has zero self-confidence. But why? What made her that way? Can she get past it?

Obviously there’s no single trigger for an entire personality. But in storytelling you’re always lookin for those big splashy moments that sort of crystallize who your character is. I knew The Bus Incident could be that moment, but what was it, exactly? What set it off? And what could it reveal to us about Sera?

Lying there staring at the ceiling that night, I decided Sera’s reluctance to use her witchy abilities in public had to have hurt someone. Someone she really cared about.

It couldn’t be her father, because that’s too obvious. And it couldn’t be Tess, because her relationship with Tess is just fine now. (There had to be real loss involved.) The best choice: someone Sera was falling for. Nothing like a crush to bring all Sera’s emotions to the surface for a good, solid, personality-defining THWAP.

BUT… When I tried to imagine the kind of person Sera might have a crush on, nothing felt right. Or, rather, no guy felt right. That’s when the diamond bullet hit. Of course I can’t imagine Sera crushing on a man. Sera is me. My gender identity might be a shrug, but attraction is another thing altogether.

Yes, of course, I could’ve used my big fancy artist imagination to conjure up a cute boy for my comic alter ego, but the question was “Why?” Just let her be gay! This was 2004! Indie comics in 2004!

Looking back, the decision seems slightly… flippant? Maybe even a little privileged and appropriative? It certainly deserved more than a few sleepless hours of pondering. But at the time the choice felt so perfect and correct it instantly cured my insomnia. 

Of course, twenty years later I might give myself insomnia thinking about the people I might’ve upset with my blundering, uninformed depiction of a lesbian. Hopefully there aren’t too many of those, but I’ll keep you updated.

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REJECTION. Love it. Always fun.

I once wrote a letter like Sera’s to a co-worker at Crown Books I had a crush on. It was her birthday, and I stuck the note in a card I made for her depicting a rotten zombie holding a big, oozy cake. 

She made sure not to be on the schedule with me anymore after that. Absolutely fair enough!

I think what makes this scene work (if, indeed, it does work), is that Sera is terrified of putting herself on the line and risking rejection, but when that rejection comes she’s blindsided by the direction it comes from. She’s got the typical butterflies associated with telling someone you like them, but none of that matters. Maddy was always going to reject her, because Maddy is understandably furious that this supernaturally-powerful girl at the back of the bus just watches her get bullied every day. 

The possibility of intervening never even occurred to Sera. Most introverts will do almost anything to avoid a tense social situation. Nope, better to handle everything with letters, smiley-face stickers, and maybe a sloppy zombie birthday card.

BACK TO THE PRESENT!

On to happier, fresher memories: Last weekend’s book signing at Dark Delicacies was spectacular!

It turned out Jhonen was able to join us at the last moment, so, of course, that meant there was a line circling the block. Always very helpful for sales! Sold out of pretty much everything I brought and was cursing myself for not bringing more by the end, but whatchagonnado. We wound up signing about two hours longer than anticipated, just to be fair to all the nice people lined up. If you were one of those people, thanks again for coming out!

Also: Fingers crossed all the people I introduced to SHOCK CITY end up loving it. There’s a very solid chance!

BTW did you get your copy yet? Or a copy for someone else as a Christmas/Hanukkah/Satan’s Birthday gift? NOT TOO LATE:

NEXT WEEK: ACCIDENTS OF BIRTH.