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“Brendan Li” here isn’t based on anyone in particular, just vibes. 

Specifically the vibes I’d get scanning the new release wall of any given comic shop in the early aughts. Man, the intense waves of heterosexual male lust coming off that vast sea of boobs was palpable. Sweaty, even.To me all that pandering felt super UN-sexy. “Who draws this stuff?” I’d think, brain dripping with cruel judgment.

“Brendan Li” is who I imagined drawing that stuff. And this is what I imagined he’d say if you dared call his book “goth.”

Now, PLEASE do not mistake my intentions. I’m not saying every dude who drew sexy “bad girl” comics back then was some sort of proto-incel like Brendan here. He’s just a gross character who popped into my head and was fun to write for the duration of a single page. Most sexy lady specialists are perfectly nice guys, and can provide you with written affidavits from multiple women who say what they’re doing is fine, actually. Just ask them! Definitely more than a few real Brendans out there, though.

PANEL FOUR: The “I totally hate life” line comes from a critique of Serenity Rose that punched me right in the guts in 2004. 

There’s this comic artist I really liked who used to put out a MAD-style humor comic every now and then (Not Dork, but like Dork). One issue had a bit making fun of various types of indie comic creators, and right in the middle was this snotty goth guy bragging about his new JTHM ripoff, “Rose S. Darkling,” which was very cool and edgy because the main character “totally hates life.”

This felt like a shot straight through the sternum. Heartbreaking. And what particularly hurt was this guy clearly hadn’t even read Serenity Rose before blazing away at me. Issue one is about a directionless person living in a cloud of snark and confusion, but by the end she sees a little light through the haze. That’s a pretty key point! It’s pretty far from a celebration of misery.

But everyone’s entitled to their opinion! I actually met that guy many years later and he seemed nice, but I still have trouble looking at his work, because every time I see it I think of that unfair dig at me from way back in 2004.

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“Kiss Dulay” looks like she could be living in The Matrix, doesn’t she? Maybe the most dated-looking character in the book? Big 3133t hax0r energy.

Does anyone still make fun of Hot Topic (aka “Scorch”) for betraying true punk rock values? Doubt anyone cares anymore, but it was still a big debate in 2004. 

People have been having similar arguments since the mid-70’s, when the Sex Pistols were born in a hip clothing store and their aesthetic instantly put to work selling haute couture. (Look it up! Search term: “Vivienne Westwood.”) Punk was born co-opted, in other words. But that doesn’t make it inherently phony. Plenty of punk true believers over the years have embraced a genuine DIY approach to personal expression instead of buying it off the shelf. And those punks have been snarling at all the others ever since.

Imean, yes, in a perfect world every artistic outsider kid would find a way to announce “I’M WEIRD” without throwing money at rich people. They’d learn to sew, pan for gold in thrift stores, trade art with friends, whatever. That would be great! But those things take TIME, and not everybody’s got that. In its prime, Hot Topic was a shortcut to subculture, a way to break from Old Navy aesthetics without devoting your whole life to it. Not everybody wants to write a manifesto, you know? Hot Topic has its place.

Sometimes I think about the “gateway” effect, too… I guarantee you there’s someone in an industrial noise band today who can track their journey to a studded belt bought at Hot Topic in rural Idaho, 2004.

BACK TO THE PRESENT!

What’s going on right now? No idea, man! I’m typing this a week in advance because I’ll be traveling when it goes up. Theoretically I’m somewhere on the east coast? Somewhere around Salem, possibly? Hope no Puritans have pressed me to death or whatever!

For sure going to be in NYC this Sunday, though. TWO SIGNINGS, one for folks attending NYCC and one for everybody at Forbidden Planet. Hope to see you at one or both! Just ask and I’ll tell you every dirty, horrible Invader ZIM secret you ever wanted to hear. For FREE.

NEXT WEEK: MANAGEABLE MISERY.